It’s 1 am ~ Do You Know Where Your Sanity Is?

22 Nov

As I type this, my beautiful, precious, but not so sweet (nor adorable at this moment) baby girl is hanging from my breast. She is not eating. I am not amused. To hell with the “cherish these moments” bullshit. I’m tired. Actually, “tired” doesn’t even begin to describe my pain and even “exhaustion” leaves something to be desired in it’s definition.

I am a human pacifier and, even playing it for 2 months, I have not come to terms with my new role. Our bedtime routine (and calling it a ‘routine’ is a stretch) goes like this most nights … I feed the girls on the couch for 20-30 minutes, then we head upstairs to put their gowns & swaddle blankets on. Once changed, we head to our room where I nurse them again for 20-30 minutes, at which point they’re sleeping & I lie them down in their bassinet for the night. How sweet, right? This actually worked for a couple nights, but the last several right after that “for the night” part, one or both wakes up screaming just after I’ve settled in next to Hubby and let my tired body begin relaxing my aching back. I give it a few seconds to realize that yes, indeed, this is going to turn into a full cry. I then drag myself out of bed & to the bassinet, try to soothe with pacifiers, rocking, hushing – and then I usually try another nursing session … ya know, because nursing for 60 of the last 70 minutes must not have been enough. After just a few minutes, they’re asleep again, so I try to gently lie them back down. Repeat steps 36 through 38 [bed, Hubby, crying] and eventually end up here … sitting on the couch or floor of the living room – soothing babies.

Right now, Sophie’s in the swing. She’s actually been there since we came downstairs. I put the pacifier in her mouth and she hasn’t peeped since. Miracles do happen. But Livie, *dith* protest too much. And she had been the more agreeable one upstairs! Go figure! We’ve tried the swing 3 times so far, each after I soothed her with the breast. And by “soothe”, I mean she latches on, sucks one good time, her eyes roll back in her head almost immediately and she falls asleep! WTF?!?! I give her a couple minutes, try the swing again and *surprise* Mommy’s still a fool – try again.

So here I sit, another sleepless night. If nipples could get all wrinkly like your skin does in the shower, mine would definitely look like rehydrated raisins. (Actually, I think they already do)

Some nights I give up & take the offending LoveOfMyLife to bed with me. Fine … you gotta have a boobie & I gotta have sleep … let’s make a deal. When both of them are fighting, while possible, it’s hard to actually sleep comfortably.

I do have to admit that the nights have gotten better, there’s no way I would have enough wits to even use this computer now if they hadn’t – it’s just GETTING to the “nights” that are so damn difficult.

Even the days are rough. That garbage they spew about “sleep when the baby sleeps” is impossible when one baby is always awake! I’ve had a couple twin moms try to hammer home with me this schedule BS – how important it is, how to get it going, how to stick with it, and how much of a difference in my life it will make. Oh yes ladies, you helped me plan it all out before the girls were even born! When one woke to eat, I would wake the other to eat as well – then I wouldn’t be spending, literally, all day nursing babies. Great plan! I DO do this … but no one seems to be able to tell me how to make them SLEEP at the same time. Just because I feed them at the same time, doesn’t mean the rest of their schedules are going to fall in line … and I either THOUGHT they would … or it never occurred to me that this could be a problem. During the days, I just beg for an hour of them both napping together – it would give me time to wash their laundry, or hang up mine, or PEE … I’m not even asking for it so I can take a NAP (which I need desperately).

My mother is coming up & will be here tomorrow afternoon for Thanksgiving, and I can’t wait to catch a break. Extra hands are ALWAYS welcome in this house – especially when Daddy’s hands are at work.

I’m sooooooo sleeeeeeeepy. Gonna give this ‘heading to bed’ thing one more shot before I go insane. 1 am actually isn’t too bad … if I could sleep in a little … or get naps during the day to recoup. Any tips on breaking the human pacifier habit will be used and then sold to the highest bidding sleep deprived mom. We may be able to afford that new SUV after all!


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